This is Griff, from June 30th, 2011, writing to you because tomorrow, you start on The Big Push!
I’d like to remind you, Future Griff, that when you decided on this plan, you knew that it was going to be a great idea. I mean, I’m the rational, past part of your brain that you will destroy over the course of the next thirty one days, so I think it’s up to me to make a list as to why you’re doing this.
Because, I know what Future Griff is all about.
I know that you’re gonna get pissed about everything, hit a wall, get even angrier, yell at people at work, toss boxes around, and do all the stuff you usually do when you get surly. When you start eating frozen Snickers at 5:45 in the morning before downing a glass full of Zipfizz, don’t say I didn’t know what I was talking about.
Anyway, what you have to do is this- once you get mad, read this list. It’s part inspiration and part reaffirmation. Don’t forget to tell your friends on the Internetscope to shove this in your face when you start bitching!
It’s going to remind you why you’re doing this.
CUE THE BULLET POINTS
- You have to do this. It makes you much happier than when you don’t do it.
- Rotisserie Chicken Fridays will be even better and more awesome with a BRAND SPANKING NEW BOOK under your belt.
- Leroy Stacks is awesome and there will be many more adventures to tell about him… but you have to get through the first one. Now’s the time, YOU BIG DUMMY!
- You are the baddest motherfucker on the planet, and will crush every worm-infested son of a bitch that tries to ride in battle against you.
- The term “FUCK ISM” will have a new, permanent meaning once this thing is done. Only you and a few other people know why. It’ll be time to share soon.
- You want to see if other people will laugh at the “Restless Leg Syndrome” scene as much as you do.
- The Cooking Scene. Nuff said.
- You just bought that gallon jug for your reemerging water habit. Don’t let it go to waste, you idiot!
- Sushi. You want to reward yourself with sushi. Lots of it.
- Goldbrook’s a pretty neat town. Don’t you want to show people around?
- “A Slip In The Balance” is the title of the book. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was an actual finished book to go along with it rather than over twenty files of stuff? GET IT TOGETHER!
- The following video sums up how you feel about where you’re at concerning work. “…they say ‘you are what you eat’”. Time to stop eating crap. This is the first step. Remember that.
- It’s important to note that the personal motivation you get from the video above will be lost on just about everyone. That’s why it’s PERSONAL MOTIVATION, YOU BIG DUMMY! CLICK ON THE LINK AND REMEMBER WHY YOU’RE DOING THIS.
- Dad’s the first in line to buy the book. He already has a spot. He’s going to get to buy it once it goes up… SO GET IT UP AND OUT THERE.
- Mom asked if there was sex in the book because she read in the paper that sex in e-books makes money. Mom’s HILARIOUS, isn’t she? BTW, she’s gonna hate the sex scene and think you’re weirder than she already thought you were... but that’s okay! YOU’RE GONNA FINISH THE BOOK!
- Be sure to warn your roommate that if he finds you passed out in the hallway, all he has to do is dump some Zipfizz on you and you’ll be revived instantly.
- It’s perfectly okay to keep The Transformers: The Movie on repeat while you write. It worked in high school and kept you going, didn’t it? Plus, you don’t have to rewind the damn tape anymore. Hooray for technology.
- They’re all going to laugh at you if you don’t finish this thing.
- There will be a day when you freak out and start buying Muscle Milk from the store. Just don’t drink it and be lazy. Be active around the writing.
- You’re really going to enjoy tweeting during Attack of the Show because once it’s over, you’re going to hate getting started on your three hour writing blocks.
- The Chinese Food Bingeing Session of August 1st awaits.
- As you’re reading this particular note, you might have just bought one of those stupid ass 12 Packs of Tacos from Taco Bell, and are currently chomping down on crappy tacos and hating life. Perhaps you’re thinking about completing a Loser Double Whammy and going to get one of those KFC Famous Bowls with everything in it later. Skip the Famous Bowl, and enjoy the tacos. Then get back to work.
- Once you finish this book, you are that much closer to explaining how CYBORG might have worked as the sequel to MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE as it was originally intended to be.
- He-Man would be so pissed if you didn’t finish this book. As would Optimus Prime. We can’t disappoint Prime- we’re infinitely better than that jackass Hot Rod. He sounds like Judd Nelson and he sucks.
- You know a Doctor, and the Doctor wants you to finish the book. Don’t let the Doctor down.
- You’re the best at what you do, and what you do is make shit up on your terms. Your book, your rules. Keep everyone else out of it.
- TITS! Confused? Looking around wildly? Good. FOOLED YOU! Now, keep writing.
- And finally, the number one reason why you’re going to do this? Because you have to go back. You have to go back to Boston. You have to walk into PAX EAST 2012 like you own the joint!
- PAX EAST 2012!
- PAX EAST 2012!
PAX EAST 2012!
PAX EAST 2012!
GET TO BACK TO WORK!!!!!